seriously

Yeah I would like some music. You have no idea how hard it is, sitting all alone, in my closet, in the dark, wearing my barbed wire wrapped leather speedos, listening to lisa lisa and cult jam, shakira, and gloria estafan while trying to cut myself. They suck so bad I want to just kill myself instead.

But seriously, do you have any emo. o.k. Seriously I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

No, seriously the lawn is out of control. It's so tall I lost arianna in it the other day. Thankfully i'm too lazy to bathe her on a regular basis and she reeks like rotten milk. So, I set the cat on her. Mouser is a good cat and found her in no time. But I did have to set the hose on him before he would let her go. I'm pretty sure some polysporin will take care of the claw marks and puncture wounds.

Seriously though, I am offended that you guys think i'm enough of a mental midget, cowardly or selfish enough to off myself. Come on, I used troglodyte in one of my posts. It is scientifically proven that people that can work troglodyte into a sentence are 100% less likely to kill themselves than those that can't.

And why don't you come over here and i'll take my grass whip and whack off your... no, I mean i'll beat off your... no, I mean i'll whack your... no, jerk off... no, you know what I mean.

But seriously back to the music – the only thing I want to hear is the sweet sound of my gallant knight charging in and out, in and out, over and over, in and out of your angry dragon cave until he is exhausted and pukes on your back.

Speaking of puke... I really wouldn't off myself over some chick that sucks. People only do crazy stuff like that when it is a crime of passion. There is no spurned love, or jilted heart in this. She even gave up the novelty of being the mother of my children when she started ignoring them. I'm just pissed at her like the time I was pissed at jeff for letting the dishes sit in the sink for two weeks without washing them and they started to stink like puke – so I poured bleach and comet all over them.

Seriously, when I take my last mtb downhill run (over an 800 foot cliff) it will be because pain and illness have pushed me to the point that I don't want to endure anymore. Seriously.